Why I Write

I started this blog because I felt alone and angry after my miscarriage. After years of dreaming and visualizing holding a baby in my arms, that dream was destroyed by a nonviable pregnancy. I had undergone years of testing, surgery, and invitro. I felt like no one understood the pain I was going through. People tried to give me some sort of optimistic response or compare their story to my own without acknowledging or seeing the pain I was in.

To top it off, while going through the physical and emotion pain of a miscarriage, I had to fight with my doctor to complete a FMLA form for seven days off work. Miscarriage is defined as a serious medical condition under the Family Medical Leave Act. While my employer told me to take the time I needed, they kept giving me deadlines to complete. I needed a medical reason for my employer to give me a week to go through the physical process of a miscarriage. The emotional process takes much longer, and I struggle every day.

This blog is a way to tell my story through the characters of Elan and James. I hope through this blog, the support of my husband, and through physical activity, I can heal. I think I am forever changed after this experience, but I hope the new version of me can somehow be better. Maybe this pain will lead to a brighter future. I can only hope.